Headed into my third year at Burning Man, I thought I’d share a tip or two for navigating a couple of tricky things. Here I focus on the bike dilemma.

My first year, 2008, I flew from Chicago to Reno, which presented a challenge for acquiring/schlepping the much-needed bike. (Seriously don’t go if you don’t have a bike.) My companion that year had heard the year before about the used-bike option, that several places in Reno sell used bikes in the days before the start of the Burn. Terrific! Unless you happen to arrive later than noon on Sunday, a half hour after they have sold their last bike. We wasted 3 hours driving around Reno to the rumored used bike spots. This was already mid-Sunday afternoon so we were desperate, and still needed to buy food and water and other supplies.

We ended up going to unnamed bigbox store (WalMart – but please note this is not a commercial endorsement for that store at all, and feel free to comparison shop at other retailers, online or brick and mortar). Each of us bought a pre-assembled cheap bike for about $120 (yes, marked-up for Burners), and cramming them into the back of a compact rental car. They served us well, but all of this was a big hassle and delayed our arrival at the massively crowded gate by maybe 4 hours. And because we were flying, at the end of the trip we basically had to sacrifice the bikes. We gave them to two fun guys from San Diego who camped next to us and had a gigantic rental truck from an unnamed national rental agency (Ryder). They gave us food, booze, shelter and hammock time, so we figure this was our fair playa trade. We figured it was like a pricey one-week rental, maybe $13 a day for the use of a bike.

Year Two, 2010, another friend and I drove from Chicago (Oh God – Nebraska, so boring – kill me now. Otherwise, awesome 3-week road trip!) and came up with a very different solution. We got a bike rack and hauled the bikes from Chicago. No cost, but I didn’t want a good bike to be torn up on the playa, so here’s where my tip begins. WalMart sells cheap one-speed cruiser bikes online for about $79. There is NO shipping cost for select models – via FedEx, to your door! I think it took 3-5 days to get to Chicago – and for some reason I recall no tax as well. In any event, super cheap, and took me about 30 minutes to assemble, very easy. (Some of the online reviews will have you believe that these can be unreliable bikes; some folks reported a part being missing or bent upon shipping which I guess could happen with any product.) I figured it was worth taking a chance on, and my test-drives in Chicago before the Burn were just fine. I was and am very happy with my bike, it served me well on the playa, and I brought it back and cruise around a lot in Chicago. I get compliments on it all the time, too, and the old fashioned handlebars are way more comfortable for my back than my mountain bike or a traditional road bike. It’s not for long-distance travel or workouts, but I love it, it’s been to Hell (Burning Man) and back and only cost $79. (I put a basket on the front which is also super handy for the playa.)

Now for this year, we’re back to flying, and back to our original bike dilemma. Shit. We considered buying used bikes out West, but were told that in the two weeks before the Burn, every used bike shop between Seattle and LA and BRS jacks up the price of their used bikes, knowing that Burners really need them. (We also were told in 2008 that the Reno outlets were not cheap, either – shitty bikes going for $150.) Screw all of them. We’ve connected with a group of buds from last year, from Sacramento, who invited us to join their theme camp this year, and I asked them if I could have two new WalMart bikes shipped to them (free!) and if they could bring them out to the playa with their camp setup and other supplies, in vans or trailers. They said no problem! The bikes come in a big cardboard box, smaller than the assembled bike, but wider. I figured it would be no problem to toss into their rental vans, but they actually think it may be easier for them to assemble out West, so we may be spared assembly in the desert as well. WIN! WIN!

This basically will be like a cheap bike rental, $10 a day give or take, and we’ll happily give the bikes to our Sacramento friends at the end of the week if they want them. If we are extra nice to them, maybe give a foot massage daily, maybe they will store them and bring them next year – who knows? Who cares? But I like this solution. If you are flying in from anywhere else in the world and don’t want the hassle of bike shopping on site, and/or hassling with a bike rack on your rental car, consider this option. If you aren’t with a theme camp, maybe call around to see if there is one in your city that is shipping a truckload of supplies out there. (Or make some online friends in Reno real quick!)

A final tip about flying: again, not to make a specific commercial endorsement, but we’re flying Southwest, because they let you a) ship two bags free – we will pack two large coolers or big plastic totes with our camping gear and seal with duct tape, and then carry the heaviest stuff on our roll-aboards; and b) they have a generous cancellation policy, where you can use unused funds for a later flight if you need to cancel. (We’re on a health watch with a family member so I’ve got fingers crossed that it will be all clear for me to travel. My friend and I also have uncertain and different return return dates.) Screw you, other airlines, and your hefty bag fees!

Other tips on bikes, flying, or other travel related to Burning Man? Email me and let me know and I’ll add to this post. Huzzah!

Meanwhile, here are related blog posts: A virgin’s guide to Burning Man … Burning Man, What the HELL Is It? … The spiritual journeys through the Temples (2008 and 2010 editions).

And please to enjoy my photo albums of the 2008 and 2010 Burns!

Sort of wound up in “work” mode and perhaps after one too many glasses of champagne, I offered this fabulous talk-show diva advice (initially unsolicited, then embraced, with gusto) on marketing, branding, and “taking it to the next level.” (I had spent the day helping the team here invent, name, brand a new newspaper.) If I’ve learned nothing else after two months in Africa, “moving up” is what everyone seems to be trying to do these days, on one level or another. Maybe it’s all anyone has ever aspired to, now that I think about it.

Her show, “Moments with Mo,” has been on national cable for three years, and has just gone regional. The first two years, she says, were stage-fright city. I said fear not, I grew up watching “A.M. Chicago” and Oprah wasn’t always the smooth operator she appears today. She too had to start somewhere on the road to becoming a global megabrand!

Mo – stylish, articulate and energetic – was eager to hear my thoughts on where to go next. Continental expansion of her show! Clothing lines! I told her to go for the gold. My Chicago connection was not lost on her in any way, so she assumed I was the pipeline to Oprahtivity. Here’s some of my advice I shared with la Mo:

• OK, so you too are all about inspiration and empowerment. Forget “Moments with Mo,” I said. Sunset that title, reinvent yourself and the show, and go with “Mo!mentum” (or “Momentum!”) for your new platform.
• Spice up the brand, get a new logo, start that blog! (True, difficult in Nigeria, with the internet working about 5% of the time, but people, we are dreaming the big dreams here.)
• Africa still loves newspapers, so start an advice column. Be the Nigerian of Nigerians and get up in everyone’s face! (In a nice way, of course.)
• So you want to get Oprah’s attention. Don’t think small, woman! Open a girl’s school. In Lincoln Park. In Chicago.
• Further, take your lead from Oprah, and title your production studio your name spelled backward. Forget Harpo Studios – what could be more inspirational, more balanced and centered, than Om Inc.©
• But don’t stop there – demand must exist for “mO – The Magazine©.”
• If you really want to go for it, change your name. Hello, Moprah!

I can’t wait to see what comes next for Nigeria’s Oprah, and look forward to connecting with her on my return travels there later this year. (Warning to my friends Todd and Kristyn at CBS Channel 2 in Chicago – and my Poynter broadcast friends Jill and Al – and probably Kelly, too – you will be asked to review Mo’s programs if I can get them on DVD at some point. Stay tuned!)

Fun links: check out her website here!

QUIZ 1: Identify each of the following as either a city in Kenya, or a geographical location in the Star Wars universe:

1. Eldoret.
2. Kamino.
3. Lamu.
4. Naboo.
5. Mombasa.
6. Mos Eisley Space Port.
7. Broglio Space Port.
8. Kiminini.
9. Endebbes.
10. Coruscant.
11. Trans-Nzoia.
12. Endor.
13. Kipkelion.
14. Molo.
15. Sotik.
16. Kessel.
17. Dantooine.
18. Nakuru.
19. Hoth.

OK, smarty pants, before we get to the answers, here’s another test:

QUIZ 2: Identify each of the following as a character in the Star Wars© universe, or a personality from Kenya politics, media and history:

1. Mwai Kibaki.
2. Lama Su.
3. Finch-Hatton.
4. Obi-Wan.
5. Raila Odinga.
6. Aga Khan.
7. Bail Organa.
8. Barack Obama.
9. JarJar.
10. Woka.
11. Beru.
12. Kwendo Opanga.
13. Mon Mothma.
14. Blixen.
15. Zipporah.
16. Solo 7.
17. Han Solo.
18. Amidala.
19. Sebulba.

For the answers, keep scrolling …

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ANSWERS TO QUIZ 1: Cities in Kenya include Eldoret, Lamu, Mombasa, Kiminini, Endebbes, Trans-Nzoia, Kipkelion, Nakuru, Molo, Sotik, and yes, Broglio Space Port (this is an actual location in the Kenyan city of Malindi, and I’m not sure if it’s an actual space port or just named that for fun). All others are planets or other geographical locations in the Star Wars© universe.

ANSWERS TO QUIZ 2: Karen Blixen and Denys Finch-Hatton are characters in “Out of Africa” which takes place in Kenya. Raila Odinga and Mwai Kibaki are the current co-leaders of Kenya. Woka, Opanga, and Zipporah are editors I am working with at The Standard newspaper. The Aga Khan is the spiritual leader of the muslim world and is the owner of the competing newspaper, The Nation. Solo 7 is a street artist I met in the Kibera slum. Barack Obama is Kenya’s favorite expat son. All others are luminaries from the Star Wars© universe.

Congratulations to anyone who scored 100%! You are well prepared to attend either a cocktail party in Nairobi or a visit to the next Star Wars© convention!

Seemed to me like the African equivalent of riding a mule into the Grand Canyon. For years, I had a major case of Brady Bunch envy after viewing the episode where they did that. But was it just too touristy? Too cheesy?

Once in Giza, seeing the herds (packs?) of camels around the awesome pyramids, I couldn’t resist. This is my chance to one-up those damn Brady kids. Seeing small children leading the camels around made it more irresistible. (What some would call child abuse, I see as a cool way to keep Egyptian kids out of the gutter! Who wouldn’t want an after-school job at one of the Great Wonders of the World? The school part might even be a stretch, but still. When I was a kid, I baled hay, boxed chickens, and sprayed DDT on the neighbors’ cows, but sure never made any tips like this kid is hauling in – even if it probably all goes to the old man. There’s a food crisis in Egypt, and it’s all good to me.)

After photo ops at the largest pyramids, my Egyptian guide, Shaima, takes me to the camel pen, where one is offered a 20-minute or so trek among the ancient structures. She handles the negotiations. “We will not spend more than 100 Egyptian pounds!” (This is $20). “Including tip!” She’s a no-nonsense kinda gal. She leads me to a particular man, his camel, and his boy. I ask the boy his name, and he shouts, “Ali Baba!” I ask the camel’s name – “Michael Jackson!” Yeah right. I mount the beast, Shaima snaps some photos (she’s good and has a sense of humor), and off we go.

A minor sandstorm appears. Michael Jackson is making some thriller moves; I have to hold on tight, often clutching the saddle (saddle?) with one hand, my Nikon with the other. The views of the pyramids are amazing. The boy asks me for my camera. Warily, from 10 feet above, perched on my wobbly hump, I hand it down from its strap. Ali Baba lets loose the camel’s rope, and starts snapping photos like he’s Richard Avedon. “Pose this way! Hold your fingers like this! Look to the right!” He’s obviously done this before. A little pro who knows where his baksheesh is coming from.

The camel is walked, with me on it, for 20 minutes or so. Ali Baba speaks to Michael Jackson in a secret Egyptian language that only boys and beasts know, ordering him (her? I didn’t look) to stop, turn, get down on its knees to let me off. Photos galore were taken, by me and the boy. At the end of the line, the camel is lowered and he kisses it, and implores me to do the same. Sort of grossed out by Michael’s horrific gums and teeth, I fake it. Then, naturally, Ali demands baksheesh. Ignoring Shaima’s limitations on our budget, I give him what I think was $5. (Just having come from Kenya I’m still confused about the conversion rates, so who knows.)

I notice Michael Jackson has spit on my camera lens. Big nasty glob of camel spit. Nice. Truly a day of peril for the Nikon.

I realize I’m not where we started. A small parking lot is a short distance away. Ali points and shouts something like: “Bus! Bus!” I’m not sure if I’m to flag down a separate bus, wait for my driver’s van, or what. Feeling a bit stranded, I wonder how in the heck I got here, and how I will get out – this would end up happening a lot on this trip. Eventually I wander around a half dozen minivans, find that my driver and Shaima have made their way here, and board for the next stop – the Sphinx! Just all in another day’s African adventure.

Links:

My photo album of the Pyramids and the camel ride.