  
(The following information is presented for entertainment purposes only
and is not meant as a guide for investing your retirement
funds.) | |||
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Aries: (March 21-April 19) Your redesign of The New York Times is met with much acclaim, except by readers who don't fancy your conversion to a tabloid format or the choice of Fajita Italic as the body text font. You might also have informed the Sulzbergers in advance of your plans. Taurus: (April. 20-May 20) The stars are aligned, as is every line of text in your 37-column grid. This wins you some affectionate but disturbing glances from the SND judges within your close circle of friends. Gemini: (May 21-June 21) Good news on the freelance front: The drag queen Helvetica Bold has commissioned you to design her new logo. Unfortunately you are stumped as to which font to consider. Cancer: (June 22-July 22) While the publisher is thrilled at the potential for savings, you were originally asked to reconfigure your paper for a 50-inch web, not 5-inch. Back to the drawing board! |
Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22) With school ending soon, now is a good time to request a transfer from your job as lunch menus designer. Demand a new Macintosh G4 to accommodate your added duties as AME/Agate. Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You are sensitive and sentimental. However, it's high time you moved on with your life and donated your massive collection of "Diana's death" pages to the charity of your choice. Your mother needs the space in the garage. Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) Things are looking dim on the romance front. Now is a good time to discreetly insert your home phone number into the Nation/World page folios. Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) Many say you have psychic abilities, judging by your excellent track record of correctly entering tomorrow's date in the page one nameplate. |
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Some may say that infographics are going out of fashion, but reassigning your art staff to buffing your feet is NOT an appropriate management response. Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) You are a natural born change agent. But before dismantling the universal copy desk, you might consider changing your shorts. Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Sorry, not enough space: Your application to the "Tracking and Kerning Symposium" at API has been rejected. Luckily, your boss says OK to a six-month fellowship studying dot gain at the University of Iowa. Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20) It's your day in the spotlight! Too bad that's because your work is the topic of a slide show called "Ethics Under Fire" at an NPPA short course. |
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It's a good year to be on the cutting edge. Consider fingerpaint portraits as the new style for your columnist sigs, and adopt a color palette based on the socks worn by your staff on any given day. Your refusal to follow the stylebook may improve your chances of being transferred to the janitorial staff. In the third quarter, a conflict with Aquarius results in the comic strip "Nancy" being permanently moved to the editorial page. For personalized astrology messages, email me here Bio/resume | Redesigns | Newsroom Training | Articles and Resources | Home Updated: January 2006 | |||